I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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