Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
