smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
