everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
