I smell stomach acid.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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