I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
