I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
