haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
