Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize