So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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