you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize