After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
