HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
