He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
