My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize