yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
