The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am mentally ready for anal.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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