Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
