the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
