I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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