This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize