On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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