Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
