yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
