Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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