sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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