well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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