hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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