ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
