Sponge bath it is.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
