Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
