I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
