I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize