he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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