good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
