A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
