if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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