I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
