im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
