my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
