the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
