Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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