the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
