Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
