He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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