i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
