We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
