Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I did not marry a roomba.
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