She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
