gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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