i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I met the friendliest cop last night
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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