dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
