Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
