so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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