If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
