defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
