At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
