I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize