that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
