You're my little dorito
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
