Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My cat gives me a boner
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
