Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
