i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's rum buckets o'clock
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
