Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
