the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
