I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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