We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
