I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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