If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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