Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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