i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
