dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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