New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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