It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
