You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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