Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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