you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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