Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize