his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
