so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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