This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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